Review: A Step Toward Falling

A Step Toward Falling by Cammie McGovern
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

"Choose carefully the people whose approval you seek."

*4.5 stars*
*Trigger Warning-story deals with an attempted rape* (though my review doesn't go into details).

I enjoyed this story so much more than I expected I would and I'm actually quite sad that it's over. I fell for these characters and each time I had to set the book down I felt myself wondering what was going to happen to them and wishing I could keep reading!

I was definitely apprehensive going into this book as it centers around people with developmental disabilities and how they are not only perceived but also judged for their differences and unique traits by those without disabilities. Having never read anything by Cammie McGovern, my apprehension came from not being sure if she would pull this off sensitively enough and without coming off sounding too preachy, or worse, ignorant. Not only that, but it's set in high school, a notoriously awful place for anyone regardless of who they are thanks to the ever-present social hierarchy between differing groups of students - stories of which I mostly stay away from.

That being said, I read the first few pages and I found that I was easily hooked. The main story-line centers around the aftermath of the attempted rape of Belinda, who has developmental disabilities, at a football game. Amazingly, she saves herself from her attacker by screaming out for help even though just moments before Emily, a 'nerd,' and Lucas, a 'jock,' had both separately seen Belinda struggling with her attacker but had panicked and run from the scene instead of trying to help her. As a punishment for not saying or doing anything, both Lucas and Emily are enrolled into community service to volunteer with a class called Boundaries and Relationships which teaches adults with developmental disabilities how to be in healthy, romantic relationships. Belinda, Lucas, and Emily become intertwined because of that horrific night, and an ugly and unforgivable thing turns into something much more.

What I enjoyed most about this story, aside from the amazing, realistic characters, is how McGovern allows the details of the events of that terrible night to remain in mystery, only to reveal themselves bit by bit. The story unfolds itself slowly and organically, piece by piece, alternating POV's between Emily and Belinda. We start off not knowing exactly what happened that night at the football game, nor do we know why Lucas and Emily panicked and said nothing at all when there was a crowd of people and teachers nearby who they could have gone to for help, but as the story progresses and we start to get to know the characters and what motivates them, we begin to see the bigger picture and just what was on the line for each of them that night.

Because you see, this story isn't only about an attempted rape, nor is it only about people with developmental disabilities; it is also about relationships in general, friendships included, and the complications that arise from following the "social laws" in high school, as Emily calls them. Believing in the stratification of football players and cheerleaders against the book nerds and band geeks, believing that people who are different and slower to learn cannot possibly mingle with those who are not. It's about how dangerous it is to assume that because someone looks and acts a certain way, or differently from you, they are that way and nothing else. It is about a person's depth, rather than their surface (in the case of Lucas and Emily), and their A-bilities rather than their DIS-abilities (for Belinda and Anthony).

"I want everything Debbie has and doesn't appreciate. I want things I can't have because the laws of social stratification in high school might allow us to be friends for a while, but would never permit any more than that...He couldn't sit comfortably at my lunch table any more than I could sit comfortably at his."

I didn't immediately love Emily's character in the beginning because I couldn't get past her immature thought-pattern, until I reminded myself that she's only in high school, 18 at most, and at her age I was completely socially-inept myself. She's self-centered, insecure, and more of a follower than a leader. This isn't to say that all 18-year old girls are this way, but truth be told a lot are least one of these things, if not more. Honestly I learned a lot about myself in reading this story, whether I would have done more than Emily, how I would have reacted in similar situations - thinking back to my teenage self, it's hard to imagine what I'd have done, since I was certainly not my best self back then either. I was always, always aware of and concerned with how others saw me and thought of me, much like Emily. She obsesses over other people's opinions of her, to which my teenage self can totally relate. So it's no wonder that I was annoyed with her at first - I'm still annoyed at myself all these years later for caring so much! Thankfully she has a satisfying character arc and both her and Lucas, who is so sweet and swoony, grow into two very likable people. It just goes to show how well McGovern is able to get into the heads of teenagers and articulate their thoughts realistically if I'm sitting here simultaneously rolling my eyes and yet relating to them as a former teenager myself.

Belinda and Anthony! They are amazing. I truly adore their spirit and bravery. I love how McGovern has written these two characters, as well as Harrison and Sheila and Simon, and all the others! McGovern is a founding member of an after-school program for children with special needs, so she obviously has extensive experience working with people with developmental disabilities. I am happy to say that her knowledge, experience, and careful sensitivity towards writing these characters definitely shows. I never felt like she was somehow making it a gimmick nor did I find her writing of these characters to be unrealistic. Anthony and Belinda's relationship is innocent and honest, and at least to me, completely believable. I loved that I was able witness their own growth and the beauty and simplicity in how they communicate with each other.

"There is a sign saying No Cell Phones in the Hospital. Please Have Your Conversation Outside, which apparently I can read but other people can't."

I truly loved being inside Belinda's head, she is sweet and passionate and super matter-of-fact about things which made me laugh out loud numerous times. It was incredibly and unbelievably sad to witness Belinda's spiral into depression after her attack, especially when the people closest to her felt that the best way to 'deal' with it was to ignore it completely and never let her have a chance to talk about it if she needed to - which, clearly, she did. Suffering from PTSD in general is terrible and scary, let alone when you have a disability like Belinda's, and it was heart wrenching to know why she was feeling and acting the way that she was when she herself couldn't understand it or articulate it.

Belinda's obsessive love for Colin Firth and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice is endearing, and not surprisingly-I'd say intentionally-many elements of Pride and Prejudice come into play within this story as a whole. Between Belinda and Emily, Lucas and Anthony, and everyone else, no one is exactly how they are perceived to be by others, and being in high school this is especially prevalent as no one says quite what they mean for fear of standing out and looking weird. There are a lot of learning curves along the way, and much like Jane Austen's classic, it is only when the characters allow themselves to be vulnerable and reveal themselves fully that they are able to make true connections with each other.

This review is so long! And I could go on and on - I'm not sure I could quite articulate why exactly this story has left such an impression on me that I need to write so much other than that I was moved emotionally, it made me think outside of my comfort zone, and I would love to know some of these characters in real life.

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